This leads me to my first terrifying realisation – Genghis Khan, Montezuma and Shaka are immortal. Two thousand years in and I’m surrounded by Aztec cities. Thankfully, the catapults trundle past Warsaw, heading to the borders of a City State, which they bombard and swiftly conquer. I tend to wait for leaders to approach me rather than initiating contact because otherwise I have to deal with more rejections than a Raggy Doll. The AI's actions are still baffling at times and not always intentionally. I think they’re coming for me even though we’re on friendly terms. I’m surrounded by expansionist, militaristic assholes and there are catapults rumbling toward my capital city.

Unfortunately, Genghis Khan and Montezuma have spilled their seeds all over it and angry spearmen have sprouted. My scouts and warriors find plenty of good land as we approach the classical era. Either way, he seems determined to fuck with me, hemming me in at one end of the continent we’re sharing. I’m the socially progressive Casimir III of Poland now and the last time we met I think I was a Roman. There isn’t even time to reminisce about the old days before he’s asking me to back away from his borders, all the while churning out unsustainable armies and crippling himself with debt just to intimidate me. By the time the bouncers push you into the takeaway reek of the night, the imprint of his shiny shoes will be etched onto your face. An hour later he’ll be chortling, lager-breathed, about ‘the good old days’. Like the time you encounter a wheezing banker in a nightclub and realise that he’s the evolved form of a red-faced kid who used to bully you at school, it’s tempting to hope for an ounce of maturity. Shaka is one of my oldest enemies and it’s good/horrible to see him back. I remember when you discovered gunpowder back in the original Civilization and then shot all of my warriors while they were still wearing pants made of rocks and waving clubs that were made of pants. The early game hasn’t changed a great deal, at least in principal, but there are new leaders to encounter and select, and even before I’d discovered trade, the first new Back of the Box Bullet Point feature, one addition had reared its ugly head. I've spent a week uncovering its charms and chores, and here's wot I think. This latest expansion takes on the greatest challenge of all - injecting some meaningful activity into Civilization's end-game.

The promise of a Brave New World was enough to bring me crashing back down to Earth though, and I've been making new friends, meeting old enemies and creating great works of art. I've founded religions, spied on my neighbours and sent a spaceship in search of a new home on a distant star.

Civilization v brave new world leaders